Finding my boundaries

Like most women, I have had issues with boundaries in my life. You know what I mean right? Saying yes when you really wanted to say no. Or saying yes even though everything inside of you is warning you against saying yes. We lose the faith we should have in our gut feelings. We are so worried about other people’s feelings or letting people down, that we let the most important person in our lives down repeatedly. Ourselves. We are the most important person. I have been working really hard at recognizing this. I am so grateful to have mentors in my life that seem to put things out into the Universe when I need them the most.

It sounds self centered and greedy doesn’t it? Oh hell ya it does. But we need to have no guilt and zero shame when we choose to pick ourselves for a change. We NEED to be greedy and self centered when it comes to our well being. Because you know for sure, that without us…without a healthy us, nothing else will be healthy either.

If you follow me on anything, you’ll know I have been single again for over a year now. There’s nothing wrong with me, well nothing major or unchangeable anyway. I’m loving, thoughtful, sometimes funny and to my occasional detriment, forgiving. I am also not sad that I’m single. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I don’t long for it. I’m actually probably the happiest I have been in a long time right now.

And in as much as I have zero desire to date right now, I find I am having a tough time saying no to dating, mostly because I don’t know how to put myself first and I worry more about their feelings than my own. Stupid right? Yes. So I then get in a situation that is uncomfortable or awkward. But today, I said no. I was honest and just made it clear that dating isn’t where I need to be right now. No offence and nothing personal. Just me doing what in my heart is right for me right now.

I felt empowered. I felt proud. I felt strong.

Honoring yourself and what you really want and need is okay. It’s essential if you are going to be true to who you genuinely need to be.

It took me a fuck of a long time to get here. I still feel like puking when I think about standing up for myself instead of trying to keep the waters calm. The difference now is, I walk into the fear, unafraid.  And possibly throw up later….Because being honest with everyone (ourselves included) makes stuff better.  The reality of it is, that if someone doesn’t understand where I am coming from and can’t honor my wishes, I wouldn’t want to hang with them anyway, right?

The insane world we live in right now is just begging you to practice your boundaries. Like screaming it. 

So try it, do what makes your soul smile. Whatever that is. Try and do what you really want, not what you think will make everyone else happy. Everyone else’s happiness isn’t your problem friend…

And it feels good to be true to yourself. It feels good.

One thought on “Finding my boundaries

  1. The way you talk about boundaries resonates with me, Donna. In my experience most women I’ve known have always put their own interests on the back burner in order to maintain integrity and peace in their relationships or families. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right.

    The strongest, most well adjusted men I have in my life have recognized this and have done everything they know of to help the partner in their lives recognize the importance of putting themselves first. Every man I know who is a genuine, caring guy wants a woman (and/or man) in his life who recognizes the importance of self worth and takes action to enhance and preserve it.

    Continue putting yourself first. Any man worth his salt (and your time) who eventually enters your life will find this to be a very attractive trait. A well adjusted guy doesn’t need to be catered to. He doesn’t need someone to agree with him. What he needs is a partner who makes him smile and who listens to his heart.

    And don’t for a minute think that you need a man to make you smile. It looks to me as if you are glowing!

    Like

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