Flying by the seat of his assless chaps…

There is no full moon, who knew a new moon could make people just as bloody crazy?

I had a day.

It started with my oldest son, shaking my foot and whispering in a non whispering voice “are you working today?”

It was 5:45 am.


I was cold medicine induced sleeping. I still had and hour to go.

I said ya…I was.

He left my room swearing like a logger…

Now on a Monday morning, when he has to go to work on Hornby Island which is a 40 minute drive and two ferry rides away, I am assuming his prearranged ride has fucked up. Or someone slept in. Or maybe in this case both.

I tell him to calm down, he doesn’t hear me as he is raging down the stairs. I shake myself into semi consciousness, enough to get down the stairs without breaking a hip, drop myself on the couch in the man den and ask him what is going on.

His ride has indeed slept in.

My son is 20 and doesn’t have a license. It is maybe becoming an issue for him? Ya think?

He is kind of a hippie kid. I haven’t got a clue where that came from, seriously. My best friends gene’s somehow entered my oldest son’s body. He doesn’t care about driving, religion or planning anything.

He makes it through life like he has an ass full of angels. I am not kidding.

So he decides he is going to have to take a cab, which is about 140 bucks. Holy crap. But it is a 30 minute ride to where he is going, a 40 minute drive to the ferry. I don’t have time to take him before I have to go to work, it’s just too far, and I am a lazy cow. I told him when he took this job, he was going to have to figure out how he was getting there, it wasn’t my problem. He has been good with that.

Anyhoo, his buddy that has slept in, calls, and is on his way, and is now taking him ALL the way to the ferry instead of part way there, they have it figured out, he flies out the door with me yelling at him to drive slow and be safe… they take off in the Mazda with no muffler.

Crisis averted…I go back to bed. Ya right. I get up ten minutes later and drink three cups of very strong coffee, as I try to get ready for my day at work. It’s Monday, it is always crazy busy on Monday for whatever reason.

So my first customer at work today… is an asshole.

That’s right you old grumpy bastard, pick a fight with me. Seriously.

He wanted any reason to be an asshole.

I was having none of it. I walked away from him.

I wasn’t rude, I didn’t say a word, but he knew he was messing with the wrong girl.

He argued with me, that all the seed potatoes he had bought from us for the last 4 years were all sliced.

Well no, they aren’t. They are whole, and you are welcome to take them home and slice them yourself if you please. They don’t come that way.

I said that to him, gently.

He said they were, he should know…

See Donna walk away.

By the time he had got up to the front counter, where I was, he had maybe rethought his attitude a little. Then he tried to be funny.

Um…ya. No.

Still an asshole, sorry.

I took his $9 which I am gonna say wasn’t worth the bad attitude at that point, and decided to just move on, it was all good, he wasn’t gonna shake me.

The rest of the day, it just went further south.

People that usually never whine, were whining. People that were never grumpy, were grumpy. People that are always grumpy were total assholes. What the hell is wrong with you people?

Now I am going to give myself a little bit of credit here, all day long through all the insanity that we dealt with…I never got stressed out. I had a fairly bad year at work last year. There  was lots going on in the store and within me, and I got to a point that I decided I would never let happen again. I am not going to let other people’s stress, stress ME out.

It was a good call. Today I actually felt a little like a rock in an ocean. Everything else was insane, and I felt solid. Yay me. Look at me go. I have come to the conclusion that you can only do what you can do. People are generally inconsiderate in this world. It’s true. I only have a certain amount of control over how things go. I will never make everyone happy, but I will try my hardest and do my best. If that isn’t good enough there is really nothing I can do about how the other person reacts to the said situation.

Don’t get me wrong, most of our customers are awesome. But there is always one or two, that no matter how far you bend over, it’s just not enough for them, they are never going to be happy.

I will not take your negativity and let it ruin my day. It’s all your stuff, and you are welcome to it. Wallow in your own misery, it is going to bounce right off my bullshit shield and hit you in the head. With any luck maybe it will knock you unconscious make you think twice at some point so you stop acting like a total moron.

Even if it doesn’t, it’s all good.

Because there is alway that ONE customer, like the last one I had today. One that can maybe tell you had a shitty day, the one who makes you laugh your ass off when he tells you a story about how he and his dead friend used to come into the store and buy roses. How his contagious laughter at the look on your face when he tells you this story, makes you laugh too, a customer that doesn’t take life for granted and squeezes all the good out of it that they can, and then they spread it around.

So to the hilarious Columnar Apple guy with the dog named Lumpy and the dead friend who liked to buy roses…Thanks buddy. You made my day. You made me smile, and erased all the crap that came before that, and made me remember why I love my job so much.

Some days, it’s just the little things. Or the dead guys.

Or on days like today. Both.


17 thoughts on “Flying by the seat of his assless chaps…

  1. Pingback: 1 Year Blogoversary... | The Redneck Princess

  2. Pingback: The Shears of Zorro….(birth of the Hippy Kid) | singlemaltmonkey

  3. Great post, Lady! I was laughing my ass off. Sounds like the days I used to have working at the saloon.
    You got a hippie kid too? Geeze-Louise…they’re everywhere…they’re everywhere! I used to think something was seriously wrong with mine because he literally didn’t seem to believe in ANYTHING, dissed EVERYTHING, then I found out it was because he’d educated himself with books and realized that the real stupidity lie in buying into old ideals. Smart, fucking kid! Anyway, I figured as long as he still BELIEVED IN ME we were good, so to hell with the rest. Perhaps now is the time to mention he’s doing a short stretch in the joint, so perhaps I’m off a little on my thinking. Any-hoo….. I just love, love, love, my hippie kid anyway!

  4. I know a guy who’s in his late 50s and has always lived like your son – no plan, yet seems to always get buy. The Universe seems to watch out for him. He’s still got no savings, no solid job, always a crappy car, lives here there and everywhere, yet he seems to land on his feet no matter what. Amazing. If I took life that lackadaisically, I’d probably end up living in a box on the streets of New York.

  5. We all have those kinds of days that start out bad and then get worse, but then something wonderful happens like your customer with the roses and you realize it is really all up to you, how you react to the world around you, whether it is being decent or shitty. I’m glad your day ended well.

  6. Great – loved it. Hippie kid, huh…I was too and I’m still here kickin’…….well, sort of ….hangin’ really in a sort of scarecrow way. :) Your approach to the day was dead right – shame it takes years of angst for most of us to realise it. So – next up is the story the Columnar Apple guy told you, yeah ?

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