Are you coming on to me…SIR?

I have been really lucky… I have never had a job where I was sexually harassed by one of my bosses.

I am not sure how I have dodged this bullet, whether it be that generally I have been blessed with amazing bosses, maybe it is because I am fairly secure in myself most of the time and none have dared, or maybe I am just a scary bitch. Regardless of the reasons, it has never happened to me.

I found out today, that one of my friends, is apparently not as lucky.

I have known her forever, we have been friends since teenagerhood. She has had the same job for years, at least 11 that I know of.

About three years ago, her boss sold the business…apparently the bastard that took over, has been sexually harassing her since he bought it. She has never told anyone.

Now my first thought is … what the hell? Why wouldn’t you tell anyone. I would.

But I am obnoxious, and act before I think.

She…is not.

She is one of the sweetest women I have ever met. She is thoughtful and caring and wouldn’t EVER do anything to hurt anyone.

I think this is definitely part of the problem.

The other thing is the fact her job would be jeprodized. It is a really good job, she is the manager of the business, and I am sure she gets well paid. Her husbands business isn’t always a sure thing, so the income she brings in matters.

And when you think about it rationally, it is going to rock everyone’s world. Now I am not in ANY way condoning his behavior, as far as I am concerned the bastard needs to be put in his place.

She never even told her husband about the situation until this week, he said he thinks that she was trying to deal on her own, and hoped that by just putting him off continuously he would finally give up.

He hasn’t. I am thinking she just couldn’t carry the secret anymore.

Needless to say, her hubby is pissed. I don’t think he would ever do anything on his own about the situation, I am also fairly sure she has asked him not to, and to let her deal with it on her own. He is the one that told me about what is going on, I haven’t talked to her about it yet.

So how do you go about it? The guy owns a well known business in the community. It is all women working at the business, so surely she is not the only one the dog has harassed. I nearly applied for a job there about 2 years ago, and for some reason ended up not applying, I can’t remember why now…

Do you out him?

Do you quit and walk away quietly?

Do you talk to him, give him some kind of an ultimatum?

I personally would out him. I am a bitch that way.

The thing is, in a town this small, every one would find out. Then you have to try and find another job. It would be nearly impossible to find one, being the girl that outed the bastard, I am thinking.

I have no idea how involved in the community this guy is, but I am pretty sure he would try and make her life difficult if he could.

Guys like that are unpredictable, you have to be careful.

She is thinking about that. I would not.

My anger that he even dared to do it at ALL would send me over the edge.

I wish I could out him right now…I won’t, it’s not my battle to fight, but I want to protect her. I want to fight for her. I want her to win.

I want him to go down, for making her life hell for three years.

I want to smack her for not telling someone before now, in a loving caring best friend kinda way… but I won’t, she has been through enough.

So what would YOU do in this situation? How do you deal with it when it could in the end effect not only your life but a lot of people around you.

Are you hot headed like me? Or would you deal with it in a different way? I am interested in hearing your thoughts on this…

Peace ♥ Out…

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10 thoughts on “Are you coming on to me…SIR?

  1. Good morning, loved your blog as always, clearly this man has no respect for his employee or for himself. I think she should give him her opinion of his unwelcome advances with both guns blazing ! To put this women in this position..fearing losing her job , unable to provide for her family, afraid to speak out is the same reason thousands of others don’t speak out as well. How sad that in this time we live in ..people still feel shame over the actions of OTHERS. They are the ones who should be ashamed of them selves . I hope they like what they see when they look in the mirror ,a shallow..sad individual who has very low self esteem , no respect for others, and clearly no boundaries. I think she has some big ovaries for finally breaking her silence by telling her husband, and now she can tell her boss how she feels about his unwelcome advances and comments. Go for it girl !!! Clearly those shriveled up little raisins he calls balls need a swift kick. ..that’s my option & I’m stick’in to it ! I wish you a great day..and may lots of karma come your way….Diann

  2. Yup, I agree with Sandi – get recorded proof and then call the cops or whoever handles this kind of thing in Canada. Even in a small town, proof like that should throw public opinion in her favor and turn people against him….no one but other harrassers sympathize with that kind of behavior. If she gets proof and just confronts him 1-on-1, he could do something worse. Get proof. Get help. Go public.

    My heart goes out to her, though. What an awful situation.

  3. I’m no expert, but I think she has to figure out how to handle it. I was harassed at work by a co-worker and just told him that it wasn’t appropriate and I didn’t date co-workers. Easy, because he wasn’t the boss. But she has to decide to put up with it or do something about it. You can help by encouraging her to do something but support her no matter what she decides.

  4. Hey,
    Sorry, I haven’t been here lately (we’ve been on roller coasters- spring break with the kiddos rest of this week) Also, how I fell off your subscription and you weren’t getting e-mails. WELL…I’m getting 2 or 3 notifications of your posts! I’ve tried removing my subscription and resubscribing. I thought it corrected the problem and then I got (3) notifications of the same post the other day! I don’t get it! :)

    Okay- so about your post- I don’t know what the laws are in Canada, but in the U.S. sexual harrasment is a big NO NO where people can sue your pants off and live off the remainder for a good many years, and maybe even retire. If it’s the small town issue, I’d record his butt doing/saying things…saving e-mails, etc. Set up a freaking video cam somewhere. Then ask him nicely to stop so there isn’t confusion that she is even slightly interested. If he continues or threatens her job, then she can threaten to go public with stuff. It’s some work involved, but usually the offender gets so comfortable and doesn’t realize e-mails they send, etc. If they know there is evidence, they’ll be more worried over that going public??? Depending on if there are legal ramifications.

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com

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