Have you ever had a day, when it feels nearly impossible to keep the negative thoughts away?
For some reason I am having one of those days today. I don’t know why. I really have nothing to be negative about, at all.
But some days, it just creeps in the cracks…gets past my happy place and wants to drag me down.
I think some of the soul-searching I have been doing in the last few days has brought that out in me. The feeling of betrayal, hurt, forgiveness and moving on. As humans we can be our own worst enemies…I know this is the case with me anyways. I take everything way to personally, when I should be totally removed. I like to think that is what makes me compassionate in times when sometimes others wouldn’t be.
So how do you get to that place. Where you don’t worry about what others think. I mean you REALLY don’t. I am a tough chick, I can say it out loud and even make myself believe it a little bit. Deep down, not so much.
I am not talking about people on the street that walk by…seriously that really doesn’t affect me. I have had visible tattoo’s on my body long enough now to know, people will judge you based on how you look. A funny thing too….when I dyed my hair from blonde to dark, I can’t say I noticed a visable change in the reaction that men have to me…but the reaction that women have is definitely evident. Women are friendlier to me now. Seriously they are. Women that I don’t know. I thought that was kind of odd actually. Do brunettes seem less of a threat? Friendlier?? What??? If anyone has any insight on that, I would love a clue in.
I am really talking about the people in our lives that we interact with on a regular basis, be it a customer, a friend, a lover, or any number of people that you see all the time and interact with on a daily basis in your life.
I do care if my favorite cashier at Save On Foods likes me or not.
I do want to be friendly and make the waitress bringing my lunch feel good about herself and the job she is doing.
I do want my friends to know I am there for them no matter what, thick and thin, ups and downs.
So the odd time, when that doesn’t happen, for whatever reason, it affects me. It is out of my control…this I know.
Things that are intentionally sent out there to hurt people, when people talk behind your back, about things they know nothing about, and it always gets back to the original person… or when people pass on a rumor that has been made more exciting by adding mythical elements to make it more juicy. I hate gossip. I really hate it. I will try my hardest not to participate.
I won’t bore you with the situation that affects me personally right now, I am not here to spew my crap out onto your screen…
It is my stuff. It will stay my stuff…
The control freak in me wants it to all be perfect, for everyone to just get along, for there to not be stupidity.
But alas, I am not in control of said situation. In my house, in my small little corner of the world…I want to be free from it, I don’t want it to come in my front door.
I think we can be affected by negativity from afar, even when we try our hardest to avoid it, it can be projected onto us from others.
I need a shield and a sword some days, that would make it all better and safe wouldn’t it? Protect us from the uncontrollable bad feelings and negative energy that others send to us without even being aware of it…
So it is time for me to meditate, and bring on the light and the love, to remember how much of that bright light I have in my life compared to the amount of darkness…and to remind myself that I am the one in control of what I give out to the world.
I know talking about it, just brings it to you, so I am done…my wallowing is now over.
I will move on, with love and laughter…and knowing that life is good and there is more than enough love to go around.
I am sending love and light to the sad people that feel the need to make us sad just because they are. Maybe if they can make me feel bad, I can turn it all around and make them feel good, even just for a second…
It’s worth a shot….