Issues?? Me??? Dammit…

Seriously, my OCD…is MISSING.

How does that happen? Was it over Christmas? Was it the total slacking off of everything for two whole weeks, that has now turned into more like four?

Good god, slap me or something.

I have not had even the slightest urge to make soap, like at all. I informed William that we will make some tomorrow, but it is out of necessity, not a longing to do it, I have a friend that has put in an order, I need to get it done. It might be because I had a bad batch and that turned me off a little, or that I have had some problems getting it to be exactly as stinky as I want it. It is hard to keep the fragrance in soap when it is from scratch. I am easily put off.

But that would make me a quitter wouldn’t it? I hate quitters.

I guess maybe it has something to do with the floundering feeling I am having right now. I sort of feel like I don’t fit anywhere. It’s nothing major and I know it will pass, but I am feeling a little lost in the fog.

I can’t wait to move, but feel a little melancholy about leaving here. It is totally a safety thing with me. I guess because I have been here for so long I am just afraid of the change, even though I can’t WAIT to do it.

And wanting to get my new beginning started, is making me feel less motivated to do anything major here and now.

I am looking forward to going back to work at the garden centre in the middle of February, well supposedly. We may just all be in Portugal visiting  PIP because I am winning the 50 million on Friday. That is going to make things way easier to deal with won’t it?

William bought me a massage for my birthday, we went today and had a double massage…it was absolutely scrumptious…I could so do that once a week. The plan is to go to a different city and get a massage and spa day once a week…

fuck pretentiousness…I am gonna have 50 million bucks…

Today was the first day of the rest of my life…

I can absolutely feel the freedom of having all that money…I can feel it.

The other night though…it woke me up…like from a dead sleep.

I was thinking, how the hell…do you make your kids be normal if you have that much money? I joked with William that with my youngest,  I would just give him 20 bucks and tell him to go buy candy…hahahahahah…it would work, I am sure of it.

And with Williams oldest, we call him Sloth…well, I told him we would have to get him somewhere to live…but they all need to work dammit…and have jobs and a sense of reality. Sometimes I think they have absolutely NO CLUE now, any of them. We have been good parents. Too good. Their generation doesn’t want for anything, it is an instant gratification generation…god forbid saving up for stuff. Just get a fucking credit card when you are 19. Cause the idiots will give you one…no job, no nothing…what the hell is that all about anyways…

So I have decided the kids get nothing…

That’s my story…they will protest, I know. I am for sure not telling them we are uber rich, well… for a while anyways, til we come up with a plan to keep them from trying to murder us and get all our loot. You don’t know these kids…there are five of them and two of us, we are gonna need a plan, and bodyguards…

And a bank account in a secure location….I have no idea how to go all about all of that, but I will figure it out.

So PIP, get ready to take us on a tour of Portugal…

I feel some motivation coming back, twisted though it is…maybe my OCD is really going to be ok, it was just a small blurp in time…sometimes everyone needs a rest…


7 thoughts on “Issues?? Me??? Dammit…

  1. Goodness if I won 50million I would love to go to Cananda and Alaska – I would have to fly first class so I had plenty of leg room. My eyes were watering as they are tired and I read your post through a blur of tears and mascara…then reread again as I thought you had won 50million! LOL :) duh
    Virtual tour of Portugal it is…Fly into Porto next Lisbon and then hit the Algarve.

  2. Well seeing as the kids aren’t getting anything….just seems fair to share with the best sister William has ever had (needless to say the only one). :)

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