It’s funny….or not so much…

How I get so done with something…

I used to love coming to the Island. Hopefully one day, I will feel that way again. 

Right now…not.

It is hard to describe the feeling I get now, when I am driving up the highway after just getting off the ferry to come back here. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. It is a heavy, you are in the wrong place feeling.

Now I know better than anyone, that the universe knows what it is doing with us.  I really do. But I am so anxious to get on with my life on the mainland. To find some cool townhouse or little house to live in, to get Colton set up so he doesn't hate it quite as much as he thinks he is going to…to find a great new job, and to be closer to Bill and Hannah and the boys…and to my parents…and all my new and old friends that are down that way, I love all my friends here too, and I will miss them all so much, but…

I just feel done here.

Like I am treading water…

I am also the first to admit I am not a patient woman…never have been. I want what I want, when I want it. I am being patient here, compared to my usual self, ok?  I am trying to keep it all together, when I feel like life is flailing all over the place….

Travelling is wearing on me, I won't lie….it is a long trip back and forth.

We were in Save On in Maple Ridge the other night, and a girl I found familiar was on the til.  We started talking and sure enough, she was from Campbell River and had just moved down to Maple Ridge. Small world…

I actually felt jealous….as much as I always wanted to own my own house, I have in more ways than one, found out that it might not be for me…

It has taught me things, yes. But being the gypsy that I am…I feel really tied down to it now…in some ways I suppose it is teaching me to wait, as I can't just leave willy nilly like I might have done otherwise, which is good…but I really want this to happen sooner than later, for Colton as well as for me. 

Or maybe it is just not a feeling I should have on my own. I had been single, pretty much doing it all alone for quite a while, before I met Bill. And I am maybe just exhausted with all the responsibility. I need to feel free for a while, from the home ownership thing…from being responsible for everyone else.

I need it to be someone else's worry…I need it to be all about renewal, regrowth and doing everything differently than I have before…

It is time…I am ready.

So universe…

please bring it…I am putting it all in your hands…

sell my house, and help me move on to my new life, and doing things a new way…

 

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