Ok…I keep pretending I am going to do it, I keep saying it out loud…but ya know…I don't know if I have really meant it up to this point.
I need to give it up to the universe, like really just believe, trust and know that everything is as it should be.
I guess part of my problem is I am scared, everything I am doing is life changing, not just for me, but for my boys as well, and I am scared that I am not making the right call. I think I am, I really feel down in my soul that I am going in the right direction, but there is always that doubt with me…that insecurity that I might not have what it takes, either to do what I plan or to pull it off all the way…
It has always been what holds me back, or makes me fail….back to self sabotage, which I rock at, by the way….
I am really trying to not do that this time…there is too much on the line. My future, my relationship, with Bill and my kids…my new job :) or shall I say career…I really want to do what I love doing, I just have to figure out how to get it all arranged so it works for all of us.
That is where I falter, I get overwhelmed and stop like a deer in the headlights….
So I have to have some kind of faith, I am not religious in any of the conventional ways, but I do believe that there is greater power…but lets us not have that conversation right now, it will be a fun one for later :)
I have to believe in myself this time…believe I can make my dreams come true, with hard work and the knowledge that all I can do, is the best I can do…and I am going to screw up getting there, and there are going to be back steps on the way, inevitably…
but this time…
I am determined….
I am on the path I need to be on….
and I can do this….