Back in the saddle…

Been a long time since I wrote anything….the last couple of months have been fairly unhealthy for me, physically and mentally. Isn’t it funny how you think you are in a situation that is what you want and need, yet when it falls apart, like it always will, you look back and a really bright light comes on and you realize, holy fuck, what just happened there? I woke up this morning, the old me again.  I am a bright, independant fun person. I love laughing and happiness. I have never in my life been needy, well except in the last month and a bit. So what the HELL was that all about.  I just sort of figured it out, when you don’t get what you need out of a situation, it makes you needy.  I have been feeling totally insecure in my life, job wise and relationship wise, and just figured out that it is because both situations are lacking what I really need to have in my life for total fulfillment. I want a job that challenges my mind, makes me think…when my job is slow, I don’t have that….right now, it has started to get busy, so that is going better already.  I also realized that the relationship, or hanging out situtation, as he liked to call it….wasn’t what I really wanted. I want it all, someone to be in love with me and put me first…to love me totally. I wasn’t getting that, wasn’t his fault at all, we are just on totally different pages of the book at this point in life…but it wasn’t healthy for me to stay involved..lesson learnt…sooooo, with that figured out in my head, hopefully the job that I normally love will also straighten out and things will get back on track again…no, scratch hopefully…they are going to….sometimes you are standing right in the damn forest before you get a stick in the eye….have a great Friday everyone :)

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