I know, I know…it sounds bad. But honestly, after a little more than two years alone, like with zero dating at all, it’s how I feel.
I have had some random thoughts about dating again. And by random I mean it occurs to me for about 2.5 seconds once and a while.
Last month I even went as far to sign up to Plenty of Douche Bags for literally one whole day. Let’s talk about that shall we?
My handle was Bitter and Jaded. Right. I have used this name before and for some reason it draws men to you, not the opposite, the obvious problem is the type of man. I also want to reinforce that I had no plan to stay on the site or meet anyone. I just wanted to see what the options were like, if there had been any hope at all I would have come back with a calmer name and possibly posted a picture. I was, as always disappointed.
The first guy I chatted with, catfished me. 20 minutes after signing up on the site. Delete.
The second guy actually had a hissy fit when I didn’t respond to his message fast enough for him. Red flag much? Delete.
The third guy said I should know him from our local grocery store. When I asked if he worked there he said, no I just shop there. What? Delete.
I was chatting with one other guy who seemed to be real, but after talking for an hour, he never once asked for a picture or really seemed like he would ever make a move forward. I was bored. Delete.
You would think that working in a hardware store I would have more opportunities for dating, but as my best friend pointed out, when you have a 50 ft wall up around you it can be hard to penetrate. Like literally.
And the options.
I’m not going to say they are not there at all. There are for sure a few men I have interest in. But the problem I’m having is that I know my track record. I think a guy is awesome from talking to him for 15 minutes once a week. And then I’m disappointed. By things like, narcissistic tendencies. By being hopeful that they can stand on their own two feet. By hoping that they aren’t going to make me spend all of my money on keeping them alive in the manner they have been accustomed too.
It’s totally a me thing. Even after all the work I’ve done. I am scared I am going to fall back into repeating patterns. I go all in. I need to stop doing that. Can I? I hope so. I am really happy with my life as a single girl, I am still working on keeping that bliss while involving someone else a little bit.
My standards are pretty high right now, and I know that if I stay strong the right friend will find me.
I also need to keep in mind, it’s winter. I’m bored. Thank god for Winter Solstice and the days getting longer! Thank god for my family. Thank god for the fact my new job is exhausting and I can’t even possibly get motivated to leave my house on winter nights. Thank god for Netflix.
You see my problem right? There isn’t one. Life is fucking perfect for me right now. It’s snuggly and calm. It’s everything I can handle in this moment. There’s lots of time for the complicated stuff later.
Happy Winter Solstice everyone, and Merry Christmas!