Arg Maties…

I have an eyepatch.

It sucks.

I was mowing my lawn last night, and for some reason, I  forgot to take my contact lenses out, like I usually do. Of course there was wind. After all it is always windy here. There was a gust of wind while I was cornering, and bam…in my eye it went. Now at the time, it seemed minor, I carried on like the grass mowing trooper that I am.

I came in and took my lenses out and it was like fire in my eye. Like I was in agony. WHAT. THE. HELL.

Of course it feels like there is something in my eye, embedded into my eyelid and torturing me every single time I blink.

I have renewing eye drops..awesome. I use about half a bottle thinking I can wash whatever has taken over my eye socket OUT.

Well I might have, but the aftermath of whatever went on in there was insane.

I went to bed early, just so I could close my eyes.

I went to bed fairly optimistic that I would wake up in the morning and it will have all been a big old nightmare.

It wasn’t.

It didn’t hurt nearly as much this morning as it did last night, but it still felt like there was a foreign object embedded into my face.

I worked all day. I sucked it up. I only whined a little bit.

I hate being a whiner. And THEN I got a freaking bark mulch sliver in my damn finger. That took my mind off of my eye for a while.

I got off work and went straight to the walk in clinic. Thank goodness there was one open today, as it is a holiday here.

BC Day!! We have our own holiday for being awesome, cool huh?

So I go to the doc and get in right away, no waiting at all. Nice. There wasn’t even anyone else there!!

He looks in my eye and says he doesn’t see anything, so he freezes it and then puts some crazy ass dye in it. He says there is a scratch on my cornea but it is not very deep. Thank god.

He the tells me that he is going to put a patch on my eye, and I should keep it on for a couple of days. Well I work tomorrow, and there is not a chance in hell I can or will do it with this on my face:

I have zero depth perception.

I drove home.

Scary.

I said to the doc before I left (who by the way is a regular customer at the garden centre) that I was driving home, good thing I lived close huh? He said I would need to be very careful. Ha. That is an understatement. It is hard to gauge anything with half of your vision gone. He was probably just glad he was off the streets safe in his clinic.

So here I blog with one eye. Luckily I don’t have to look at the keys when I type.

I would be screwed.

But I think this is enough computer for me for the night, I have to go rest. I might watch a movie with my eyes closed.

At least the lawn is mowed and the yard is beautiful. I made french onion soup hooptickle soup if you are a redneck for dinner, it is a good thing I didn’t try for anything more complicated. It was touch and go.

So here is to a less annoying Tuesday…later pirates.

Super Sexy Sunday…

Ok folks…before I begin this week, I just want to put out there that I am running short on ideas. So what do you want me to post on here? What are your questions…thoughts, and maybe even ideas??? Help a sister out would ya? Leave me some suggestions in the comments :)

So this week I want to talk about eyes…

I think it is true that the eyes are the windows of the soul…

I change my eye makeup pretty much daily, depending on how much time I have and how I am feeling that day. The rest of my makeup routine pretty much stays the same though.

My new love this month, well for summer I guess…is liquid eyeliner.

Once you get the hang of applying it, it is a really easy way to make your eyes POP!!

My favorite eyeliner is Maybelline Waterproof liquid liner…it has an awesome brush and the little bottle lasts for a long time, and it never clumps or smudges off. It really is waterproof.

It won’t take you long to get the hang of applying it if you have never done it before either…I always start on the middle of my lid and work my way out in both directions, make a nice thin line, you can always thicken it up more as you go. Remember it is waterproof, so once it is on there, it is on there :)

Keep it beautiful ladies, and have a super sexy day!!! xoxo

Muffin top…see ya!!!

I have never in my life worried about my weight. When I was pregnant, I gained 64 pounds with the first kid, and 56 with the second. I lost it all. Both times.

This isn't me...my boobs aren't that big :)

Then I hit 40…I have had my ups and downs in the last 6 years since. I have weighed up to about 135 lbs. I am not ok with that.

When I first started the new program I am on now, I weighed in at 132 lbs.

I know that sounds ok, but I have weighed about 110-115 pretty consistantly since I was about 30 years old.

I really notice the extra nearly 20 lbs. I am not overweight, but I am uncomfortable with my body this way. That is really all that matters to me.

I also don’t eat very well, well not consistently anyways. I have a sweet tooth. I love bread. Two absolute no-no’s for a few reasons at this point in my life.

So I am learning to eat better, eat more greens, and I am consuming about 1/8 th of the sugar I was consuming even two weeks ago.

Eating consciously is hard for me. I have always been able to eat whatever I want to. Now I have to stop myself. It’s still ok to have a cookie, or two. I would eat 4. No more…

Don’t eat 4 pieces of garlic bread with dinner. Have two small ones.

Drink water.

Lots of water.

I have never been one to add sugar to things, but when it comes to candy or chocolate, if I have it… I eat it. When I don’t have it, I crave it. I have been working hard to overcome this. I am not buying anything like that or having it in the house. That way I am not tempted.

I have found a site that has really helped me figure out what is ok and not ok. Like I said I have never counted calories in my life, I had, up to a couple of days ago, no idea how many calories you could safely and healthily consume in a day…

And then I went here…

It has a great program for working out, planned menus which up to this point I haven’t used. I am more interested in eating what I have, or what I am fairly used to eating, and finding out if I am in the close vicinity of where I should be, so far so good. I have learned what to cut down on to stay in the guidelines I have set for myself.

I also find I stick to it better when I am actually tracking it and seeing what I am accomplishing. I have already lost three pounds since I started. Mostly that is the exclusion of the sugar and bread. Isn’t that insane?

So as my new journey begins, I am feeling good :) I have the day off today, no kids, nothing to do, except get the oil in my truck changed and maybe mow my lawn :)  I am taking the puppy for a walk and streaking my hair (time for a summer look I think!!) and of course watching my Vancouver Canucks hopefully bring the Stanley cup home tonight!!!

If anyone wants to join me, let me know, god knows I could use some backup and maybe a partner in crime, it is easier when you are not alone!!

Happy Tuesday folks :)

This is what I did today…

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Super Sexy Sunday…

This week we are going to talk about what NOT to do…to be uber sexy…

Use self tanning lotion.

Unless…

1.  There is absolutely NO other way you can get a healthy golden glow.
2. You have really good light when you apply it.
3. You do it evenly, you have to be careful not to put it on too thick in some places and not others.
4. You wash your hands really well after you apply it, it is really unattractive when you have orange hands and orange skin.
5. You buy a quality product. I guarantee this is one of those things you do not buy in the no name brand.
6. You don’t go too dark too fast, take your time, build it up slowly, and don’t try too get the… I have been in Hawaii for three weeks look, EVER.
7. You do NOT…try and get a golden glow before your first date, I can pretty much put money on the fact you will screw it up, and he will never call you EVER again…it’s just a hunch, but I think it’s a good one.
8. You never apply it, while drinking or smoking a big fat doobie.
9. You never let your best friend convince you the above is a good idea.
10. The stuff your friend gave you to try for free, made her get pregnant, and that is why she is giving it to you. Otherwise, do not take any chances that the bitch is doing you any favors…and even then, do you really want to risk it?
11. You have someone reliable that will do your back for you and not write bad words in orange on your shoulder.
12. You make sure the above person doesn’t lie to you to make you feel better about yourself.
13. The sun goes dead in the sky and you have no other choice.

I think that is it, I can’t think of any other good reason to do it. I am not even sure these are good enough. I have to admit I have a bottle of self tanner under my sink, but that is pretty much where it sits. I just don’t have the guts to even try it. I saw a lady today that prompted the advice, I don’t even think she was aware of how bad it was in the sunlight. I of course filtered, somehow, and didn’t say anything out loud.

Well until now, pretty sure she doesn’t read my blog…so all good :)

Have a tanless and happy Sunday my friends…

For more Sunday reading, check out this hilarious post about self tanner @ You are talking too much…

It’s the first half an hour that kills ya…

Truer words have never been spoken, at least not to me, I swear. My friend and co-worker said it to me as we were leaving today and I told her I started work a half an hour later than usual tomorrow.

Last week, apparently her half an hour without me was insane.

Today, my first half an hour of work was.

Anyone that has known me for more than about 5 minutes, knows I can be a total clusterfuck…or a totally organized hard core working machine diva.

Ya right.

Today the latter could not have been farther from the truth. That’s right, clusterfuck through and through.

I HATE having days when I am inept. I hate it. My OCD finds it totally unacceptable, but once the day has started like today did, I find it hard to pull myself out of that funk and get it heading straight again. Today I tried, I really did.

I screwed up an invoice I had to do, I was in a hurry, which is never good, I screwed up the discount and it just went south from there, I won’t bore you with the details, it got straightened out, thanks to my boss lady, Shauna. I swear to god, I nearly kissed her. I told her I loved her. I meant it too.

All the while, my sales rep Ron was there, adding to my panic. I knew he needed to get my order done and then get on with his day. I was holding that up. I should have just relaxed a bit I guess, but it just all happened at once. Relaxing isn’t exactly my strongest point.

After all of the above finally finds it’s way under control, I tell Shauna I need a coffee, she agreeds…

I head to the back to make some, and in passing the table in the lunch room I spot the butter tarts that our good friend Don had brought in the day before (he actually brought us two bags of them, but I only ate one, well today…) I thought maybe the sugar might make me smarter.

I venture off butter tart in hand, to do a mini job while waiting for the brewing to take place…

So in about 10 minutes or so, I went back to the lunch room to grab my coffee. I made about 10 cups and the pot only had about 4 left. I thought hmmm, the other girls were in on the coffee pretty quick today…

As I reach for the pot, I notice, grounds, and coffee all over the counter…what. the. hell?

I open the lid, and the filter is fine, but the water for some reason is not draining through, well it wasn’t til I opened the lid, and then it started to pour out, of course the coffee pot was in my hand, not under the filter. Ya…

I clean up the mess, I might have sworn…but only a little.

Ya.

I make more coffee.

I walk away.

All I can do is hope for the best. The second pot turned out substantially better, and it helped a little bit.

But not really, the rest of the day didn’t improve much, so let’s just skip to the good part.

I get home, my son has cooked me dinner…well not really dinner, he has cooked me meat. Yup, chicken stuffed with broccoli. You are pretty impressed right now aren’t you? Well so was I, even though it is premade and ready to cook. I don’t care. I never loved him more than I did that moment. I fried up some zucchini and voila, dinner. Served.

With a Ceaser.

A big one. Like a double.

Actually two.

And they were good.

Right after I ate dinner, I realized my tattoo needed some lubrication.

I don’t have any. I am totally out of tat creme, and they don’t have any either. Now I am crafty. I told them I would make some for them to use when someone gets a tat. We worked out a deal, I am just waiting for the containers to come to get started. That doesn’t help me right now though does it?

Well I do need to make it and test it, right?

I concoct a delicious and soothing recipe, and start mixing, it makes me feel magical and smart and sexy that I can create something that makes peoples skin soft and smell good, it makes me feel, after a day like today… that I am good at something, that maybe a little more, I need to remember that, I can’t be good at everything all the time.  Sometimes I am going to make mistakes, but as long as I love what I am doing, it’s all good and tomorrow is a new day.

My skin will be soft, my beautiful tattoo will be a day more healed, my honey is coming to see me, and we have two whole days off together, I seriously can’t wait…

So tomorrow will be a better day…

I will be smart and confidant like I usually am…

I will embrace every second of the day because it is my FRIDAY tomorrow…I have switched days off from Friday and Saturday, to Wednesday and Thursday for the next little bit.

The final series for the Stanley Cup, starts on Wednesday night and my team is going to take it…in five, just watch.

So through the clusterfuck of Monday…I wish you a happy Tuesday my friends…