Back to work, and a really big fire…

It’s early, and sunny, and cold outside :)

I love sunny nearly spring mornings.  Have I mentioned already that I am really ready for spring? I am sure I am not the only one. Today is my last day off, I am back to work tomorrow full time, hard out. I am happy about this, it is way past time now. Usually I am back at work beginning of February, tomorrow as you know, is the first of March. Chomping at the bit is an understatement…

For all of us I am sure, I know my friend Wendy is just as excited to get back at it as I am. Neither of us are good at doing nothing. I can’t wait to work with her again this year. She has worked for the garden center for years, longer than me, but has taken time off in the middle. She has come and helped us out on Mother’s Day weekends for years, but last year she came back to us full time for the season, and this year she will too!! She is great to work with at the til, she is fast and efficient, and it is nearly impossible to throw her off her game. I love that.

I can’t wait to be so busy you don’t even have time to think and there are 10 people lined up at the til…that is my favorite, I work best under pressure. Mind you I hope it doesn’t start out like that tomorrow or I am screwed, it usually takes about a week and a half to get back into it. To refresh yourself on the different spring problems that always crop up once everyone gets back out there and into the garden. The one good thing, is everyone always has the same issues, or mostly the same…and the longer I have worked there, the less time it takes me to get into the groove.

Every day I still have hope that I will feel better from this cold. Everyday, not so much. It is a hanger. Doesn’t want to move on to someone else apparently. I have tried everything I know to make it go away. I am eating right, taking my vitamins and taking Oregano oil, drinking tons of water, sleeping alot. It just won’t go away. My kid has been better for days now. What the hell?

I will be making a run to the drugstore today to buy more daytime cold medicine, better safe than sorry. Everything I had left has been consumed already. Hopefully it will just be a precautionary measure and I won’t need them as of…like tomorrow please.

I was watching the news this morning, which I have not done in days, you will know why if you read my blog on a regular basis, see news rant for more information, if you don’t….

The Lorne Pub ~ Comox, BC

One of the last stories that came on was that the Lorne Hotel in Comox burnt down last night. That is a bummer. I have been there quite a few times and have always had a great time. I went on my second date with my friend John there. As you can guess we just ended up being really good friends, no love connection, but it was an amusing night to say the least :) He has been a good friend to me over the last couple of years, and I a lot of my personal growth has been thanks to him and his honesty.

I won a free lunch at The Lorne a few years ago from a radio game show that used to be on the the local station here in the mornings. It was a game where they picked one woman caller and one man caller, and gave each the opposite sex’s questions. Well of course since I was probably really supposed to be a boy, I kicked his pansy ass. There was car questions….I win!!

So I took my best friend Diann for lunch and we spent the day walking around Comox. It is a beautiful little town, if you ever get to the North Island, I totally recommend you pass through. Even though I don’t know where you would go for lunch now  :(

The pub was built in 1876 and burned to the ground the first time in 1919, it was rebuilt again and reopened, a working business until last night….apparently there is a fire curse on the place, I hope they rebuild it again.

So it is time for me to go get motivated and get ready for my big day tomorrow, make sure all my laundry is caught up and I have enough food in the shack for everyone’s lunches this week. I am thinking it is a great day for a walk too, it is amazing outside.

So happy Monday to you all my friends…

Peace ♥ Out…

Addicted to porn…

Well that caught your attention didn’t it?

And no, I am not…but I have something really important to talk about today, and I wanted you to click on the link.

I do want to talk about addiction.

We all have it to some extent I think, at some point in our lives. Either ourselves or someone we know…and usually love.

I know I have in my life. Some of my own, and some with people that I love.

I smoked cigarettes for years, from when I was about 15. I finally quit 10 years ago, it will be 11 years on September 13 2011. It was seriously the hardest thing I have ever done. I quit numerous times over the years, when I was pregnant, I quit both times, as soon as I found out. It is easier when you have a reason.

I always started again for some reason.  I finally decided it was time, my children HATED that I smoked and let me know every single time I went outside to have one. It took me about a month, to work up to it, and actually do it. But I had a plan, I didn’t go cold turkey, and I had a great support system.

I changed everything I did in my life, I had to. I also quit drinking for about 6 months, as well as talking on the phone, they were huge triggers for me that would have just made it impossible to quit.

I also started to learn the computer, it kept my hands busy…

And I bought my Mustang.

Two things which kept me busy. I wonder some days if I just replaced one addiction with two others. I was totally obsessed with my Mustang for years, it has calmed down now, but I still have that part of my personality that obsesses…aka, soap making…my last obsession. I like to think as long as they are productive and healthy it isn’t as bad. Right?

Some of the people in my life have had harder things to overcome. One of my dearest friends had an addiction to prescription medication, that got seriously out of control, and in her case life threatening. There is nothing so heartbreaking as watching a woman you love like a sister, spiraling down, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help. All that matters to them is the high…even when it is making them not want to live. They don’t want help. I had to walk away from her, knowing, I might never see her again, the road she was taking was one way.

We had no contact for many years as she fought her demons. Finally a little over a year ago, she reached out to me on Facebook, a huge step for her, and one I know took all her courage. I was leery at first, it had been a bad break when we parted ways, but I listened to her story, and knew…she deserved a second chance. I know now it was the addiction making her do the things she did. I had mourned the loss of our friendship like a death, and to have a second chance was an amazing gift. She has been clean and sober for 6 years this past December. I am so proud of her and all her hard work, she has fought this battle hard, and come back from circumstances most of us cannot even imagine.

I have another friend who is right now fighting his addictions, not that it ever stops when you are an addict, it is a battle you fight every day of your life. He has been working hard for the past year and a bit, there have been bumps and relapses, but he is trying his hardest to be the best man he can be, I am very proud of him, and hope I tell him that enough. We have been down a long road together, in really good days, and really bad. I also had a long time of separation from him, for the sake of my family and maybe in the long run for him as well. We have worked our friendship back to what it once was, and for that I am also grateful.

It is terrifying how addiction can devastate your life, your children, your spouse, your friends.

It is terrifying how people go inside themselves instead of reaching out for help. Our society totally contributes to this, telling us we need to be tough, strong, and not ask for a handout or help. We need to take care of our own messes.

This can apply to almost everything, there are so many ways to be addicted.

I have felt some guilt over the years, feeling like I walked away when they needed me most, but I have come to terms with the fact, that it was their fight, and I did my best to help at the time. There really was just nothing I could do.

I wanted this blog story to be about hope, and faith, and friendship, and love.  I know stories like this don’t always end up with a happy ending.

But they can.

So I wanted this post to give hope and maybe a little courage to anyone that needs it, be the addicted or the loved one of someone that is…it can turn around, there is help out there. Don’t be afraid to ask for it, or offer it.

And remember, love does conquer all…

Life may not take you down a fair path, or deal you the hand you hoped for, but everything happens for a reason, the lessons we live through are ones we have fought over and over, just never learned.

I wrote this a few years ago, when I was going through a trying time, and I put it on my mirror, so I saw it every day…

My path may be chosen,

But I am still the one steering…

I still try to remember it every day, when things don’t go the way you think they should…

Have a grateful Tuesday my friends…

Peace ♥ out

A day in the life of a DonnaMatrix…

This post just isn’t going to be what you were hoping for, I am pretty sure. I was just trying to get your attention, and more readers. Wonder how that is gonna go for me :)

I woke up this morning at about 7:38…ok, it WAS 7:38, I quickly realized it was Saturday, and I thought, hmmm, I am just gonna roll over and lay here for abit. I woke up at 9. Dumbass…I always feel crappy when I have done that, always, and I have no idea why I don’t know that by now, it is like drinking, I never learn that it is better to not have that very last one, the one that you know you are totally going to regret in the morning.

So I wake up feeling like I need to organize something. If you don’t know me already, I am OCD when it comes to organizing and cleaning, not as bad as it used to be, but enough that people that know me just shake their heads and roll their eyes. I consider it part of my charm…

I have always found a way for it to work for me in my life, and really, alot of people appreciate it, I think. Either that or they are too terrified to tell me to stop.

There was a point last week when I think I scared the hell out of William with it. You see, I am Felix and William is Oscar…well sort of. I know he likes it when it is clean, I just don’t think he really loses sleep if it’s not, and that’s ok. We make it work, and he is trying really hard to keep up, and I am trying really hard to let up a little. Sometimes, I don’t succeed. I forget that I can be overwhelming that way, and I have to slow it down and take smaller steps. When I want something done, I can be a hardass, and I don’t let up til I get what I want. So I am trying to learn compromise and patience. It will all get done, and life won’t end if it doesn’t. This I know, repeat to self.

So anyways, I am back home on the Island for a few weeks, if you don’t know already I am trying to sell my shack here and move to the Mainland. I am back and forth a lot, and seriously could drive the Island highway, blindfolded, backwards, at night. So being at home, I have nothing to organize, well except the recycling, which should give me a few bucks, due to the kids New Years party…

What to do???

I think my blog is set up ok…nothing to change there. House is clean, all of it…I wish there wasn’t 4 inches of frost out there, I would be out in the garden doing something. The weather is beautiful and it make me long for the days when I can just putter about all day in the yard, I love doing that, it always makes me feel good to have my yard beautiful and my veggies growing…

I do have a load of wood coming this afternoon, thank goodness!! I am down to my last 6 pieces of wood and baby, it’s cold outside. So I guess that gives me a mission for this afternoon, I will stack it up and put a tarp on it to keep it dry, Bill says I have stacking OCD too, hhahahaha…and until then, I guess I should get my ass in the shower, and maybe…I will make more soap, the Coconut oil Licorice soap is an experiment waiting to happen.

So if anyone out there needs some help with their organizing, give me a call…I am free pretty much all of next week :)